January 27, 2010
San Francisco, CA -- As is always the case, Steve Jobs and Apple have outdone themselves. Apple recently unveiled its iPad to applause from consumers and angst from competitors.
When asked about the thin, multitasking iPad, Bill Gates responded, "I am not concerned with Apple's attempt to branch into other markets. We fortunately do not compete in the feminine hygiene industry, and will remain viable despite this innovation."
Procter & Gamble CEO Bob MacDonald has come under fire for his lack of foresight in lieu of the company's 1997 acquisition of Tambrands and, inherently, Tampax Tampons.
"Of course I am concerned. Who would have ever foreseen that Apple would enter the market with a multi-tasking tampon. People are going to be wearing the iPad every day of the month now because of its electronic capabilities and easy storage for long trips."
The business plan moving forward?
"We have maintained a high market share for years without very little need for innovation, so we are going to look into other markets. There exists a prototype in R&D that could help us explore the incontinence mitigation markets. The incontinence thong will compete with Depends."
The tagline?
"Senior butt sexy."
