The Boogieman Has Been Shot

December 10, 2008

THE BOOGIEMAN BRONX

THE BRONX -- Long known as the Boogie Down for its hip-hop roots, The Bronx will forever be remembered as the Boogie for a new reason.

For years, children have "cried wolf," leaving parents across the country miffed when there is nothing in the closet.  Now, every child from age 5-12 can rest easy with the FBI arrest of the most prolific child molester of all time.  That is right, the Boogieman has been caught.

It happened late last night when 7-year-old Lamar K. heard something rustling in his closet.

"I thought it be sum foo tryn'a get mine," he said, "so my finga and pops' gat stopped that foo in his trax."

When the FBI arrived on the scene, they were greeted by the first visual ever of the elusive child molester.

"We thought he was a shape shifter," Larry Leonard of the FBI's New York office said.  "Turns out he is a balding, fat, immortal, 40-something terrorist."

The only people upset over the arrest are mental hospitals across the nation that will have to reassess thousands of patients in the coming days.

Editor's Note:  The FBI's top 3 child molester list now reads as follows: 3) Santa Claus; 2) Easter Bunny; and 1) Tooth Fairy.