THE NEW STEROIDS INVESTIGATION
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- After the infamously ineffective steroid hearing on Capitol Hill that included Mark McGwire, Curt Schilling, Jose Canseco, Rafael Palmeiro, and Sammy Sosa, the big whigs in D.C. are ready to make amends.
"They are going to start investigating consumer products that may have masked components that are precursors to steroids, and that inherently promote steroid use," said former Senator George Mitchell. "This was a just one of the many concrete conclusions of the Mitchell report."
Speculation is that Old Spice deodorant is the target of the new investigation. With new ads containing large superstars such as LL Cool J and Brian Urlacher, many are suggesting that the brand is attempting to corner to masked steroid market the way that "Andro" did during the McGwire-Sosa homerun battle.
In one commercial, a home video depicts Urlacher as a formerly scrawny geek. Now he stands at a mere 6'4", 258 lbs.
At 40 years of age, LL Cool J is in the best shape of his life and ironically promoting the deodorant.
An anonymous Senator added, "He hasn't looked this good since his military days on the movie Toys. He is obviously doing something."
Editor's Note: A new study possibly suggests that it may just be physically possible to lose weight and look great when you have millions of dollars of free time. Additionally, The Mitchell Report was written much like this website--very little research, tons of imagination.
No comments:
Post a Comment