December 8, 2008
DAYTONA -- After a month of deliberations, NASCAR has made it official: NASCAR will secede from the United States of America.
NASCAR President Mike Helton reiterated, "This has nothing to do with the election of a black president. NASCAR simply believes in states' rights."
Despite Helton's efforts, speculation remains about the true intentions underlying the secession attempt. After all, NASCAR isn't a state.
Many suggest that this move is a form of retribution for NASCAR citizens that were distressed by NASCAR's $250,000 donation to Jesse Jackson's Rainbow/PUSH organization back in 2003. Back then, Peter Flaherty of the National Legal and Policy Center said that the money was "Shut Up" money so what would one call the current movement?
"Confederacy." Dale Earnhart Jr. answered. "What's more American than that? If you ain't secedin', you ain't tryin'."
Editor's Note: There are no black drivers in NASCAR's Nextel Cup; although they are "allowed" to race in the lower divisions. It is still unclear as to whether one needs a GED or not to get a job in NASCAR's front office. Bill Belichick, ironically of the New England Patriots, expained NASCAR's motto to be, "if you ain't cheating, you ain't trying."
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