RAD Weekend Links (12/19-21/2008)

December 19, 2008

RAD Weekend Links (12/19-21/2008)

INTERNET -- 5 news stories; 5 insights; 1 educational video on the mortgage crisis.

Woman's Vagina Screams, "Help!" (Yahoo!)

Michelle Duggar of Arkansas has had her 18th baby.  You read that right, 18th.  The now 42 year-old had her first baby at age 22, so this isn't one of those backyard middle school games of doctor gone horribly wrong.  Rather, this is a calculated attempt at one of two things: 1) they are trying to start their own major league baseball franchise; or 2) these are descendants of the Hatfields, ready to take aim with another shot at the McCoys.  Given the names the father and the children have, I'd go with number 2: Jim Bob, Joshua, Jana, John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Jospeh, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jeremiah, Jeddidiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johanna, Jennifer, and Jordyn-Grace.  Does anyone see an alliterative scheme here?

Canada Pledges $13.69 to Auto-Bailout, Eh (WSJ)

As the United States plans to give $17 Billion to a bunch of guys that used their corporate jets to give unprepared, ill-argued speeches at Capitol Hill, Canada is joining suit.  Okay, so they aren't going to give Newfy's (Newfoundland) gross domestic product of $13.69 derived from no one wants to know, but instead $3.29 billion.  This money will be going to two of the big three.   Dear President Bush and guy who runs shop in Canada, there are a bunch of debt-soaked kids graduating from college and they are unemployed.  Why not help them?  They didn't cause this mess.

Andrew Jackson is Hot News? (CNN)

CNN has decided to run a piece on a book about Andrew Jackson by Jon Meacham.  This man's presidency should be well documented for its overseeing a rise in populism and the currency issues pervading the times.  Rather, CNN decided to talk to the author about his more detailed insights such as how Jackson believed in separation of church and state, and that his passion made him most like us--us being an articulate reference to society's contemporary collective conscience, which would be qualified by an equally articulate description of passionate.  Wow, remarkable...remarkably vague.  I am sure this book is scintillating but I wouldn't recommend its content for dinner conversation.

Fortunately for Cheney, You Can't Actually Drive a Truck Through a Loophole (MSNBC)

MSNBC and FOXNews continue to battle it out for most biased coverage.  While the current administration scurries to cover its buns over electronically backed up files, just as every predecessor since Reagan has done, MSNBC chooses to quote a lawyer for a historian's group of plaintiffs saying that Cheney could drive truckloads of document through a loophole.  Last time I checked, a loophole was a concept not a thing, so technically she is wrong.  On a second note, who wants to read about what Clinton really said to the NSC before screwing up Mogadishu and producing a decent military flick in Black Hawk Down?  As Paul McCartney [Macca] and Axl Rose both said at one time or another, "Live and Let Die."

Bailout for Banks, Bonus for Bums (FOXNews)

$1.69 billion dollars went to executives of financial firms last year, in a time when those banks were losing mucho dinero.  Having seen the Madoff scheme unfold, is there a difference?  Madoff gave out generous bonuses in his last days as he saw the Feds a'coming.  Why wouldn't it fit that Wall Street would give out crazy bonuses prior to the secret getting out that they no longer followed sound economic theory?  Actually, it does.  Now they have bailout money to maintain their high levels of compensation that they didn't actually earn. 

RAD Weekend Links (12/12-14/2008)

December 12, 2008

RAD Weekend Links  (12/12-14/2008)

INTERNET -- 5 links....5 laughs.

Bush a "Tryant" (CNN)

If your brother throws a shoe at the President of the United States, you pretend you don't know him.  What you don't do is embrace the action, then call the most powerful man on earth a tyrant.  If this guy wants a tyrant, let him have Saddam back.  This guy would have been missing before he finished his sentiments if the Scud were still around.

The Catch 22 Bailout (WSJ)

Nancy Pelosi is ready to put pressure on Henry Paulson to use bailout funds in helping struggling homeowner's.  The question arises: why help delinquent mortgagees?  It would just be rewarding ignorance.  How come this same question never cropped up when mulling over the $50B for AIG?  Because it isn't ignorance when you willfully screw with peoples' money.

Tiger's Caddie goes Perez Hilton on Phil (ESPN)

When you become a millionaire for carrying another man's golf bag around, you become thankful for your good fortune.  After all, you are making money doing menial labor, whereas auto workers are struggling just to get a piece of the bailout money.  Ingrate Steve Williams, Tiger Woods' caddie, threw down the gauntlet with Phil Mickelson, saying "I wouldn't call Mickelson a great player, 'cause I hate the [expletive]."  That is just classy, classy like a celebrity blog.

A Ponzi Scheme goes Down in Flames; a Million More Survive Unscathed (MSNBC)

We here at the Radish like to reiterate the fact that Wall Street is dominated by speculation in a quasi-Ponzi Scheme.  Investments are not based on actual return but on what kind of a premium you can fool someone into paying for something that actually won't return anything on the investment unless it is likewise flipped under false pretenses.  Watch Boiler Room, laugh, say it isn't that bad, and then realize it is much, much worse.  Bernard Madoff, the former NASDAQ chairman, has scammed both rich and poor alike out of billions based on a flawed system he learned from the inside.

Fire Lit Under Palin's Ass (FOXNews)

Todd Palin, husband of Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin, through a molotov cocktail through their church's windows in order to light the fire to Palin's upcoming presidential bid.  Okay, so that isn't known yet but it will come out soon enough.  One churchgoer went so far as to say that the attack was uplifting?  What?  In a, "I'm going to collect crazy insurance on this building" kind of way?  By the way, it was a 2-year-old building, so it wasn't that holy to begin with.

RAD Weekend Links (12/5-7/2008)

December 5, 2008

INTERNET -- 5 depressing links about life; 5 cynical captions.

The Sky is Falling, The Sky is Falling (CNN)

As jobs continue to disappear, Wall Street remains weary.  The same people that brought you the concept of cutting jobs to increase cash flow are hypocritically bringing you the next big line of thought in banking, and they call it jumping off the bridge because everyone else is doing it.  Investors no longer invest in companies that are profitable but those that appear profitable to others based on the infamous "wire."  If there was a hollywood celebrity stock trade, it might be more stable than the NYSE.  

Daschle Wants You to Get Drunk and Solve the Healthcare Situation  (WSJ)

The presumed Secretary of Health and Human Services, Tom Daschle, says that healthcare reform is going to happen; however, like many of his predecessors, he has no idea what that means, see Bill/Hill Clinton.  Does this mean taking on a Hawaii-like approach whereby all children are covered?  Hawaii just ditched that program.  Does this mean adopting Mitt Romney's "everyone must have health insurance or suffer severe tax penalties" plan?  The socialist republic of Massachusetts is loving its quasi-universal healthcare cash cow more than its citizens.  Fortunately, Daschle hasn't the faintest idea but believes that a nice glass of egg nog will help lead the way.  Seriously.

Colombian Citizens Suffer the Wrath of the Ponzi Scheme (Washington Post)

David Murcia and his company DMG Holdings ran a pyramid scheme/money laundering business for investors, sometimes returning 300% in profit over the span of a few months.  Pint-seized investors lost a combined $1B on false promises when the scheme failed at the point where most Ponzi Schemes eventually do, when they run out of gas...get it?  No word on whether Murcia will receive bailout money to recoup the losses for taxpayers, almost 10% of whom were hurt in the devastation.

Ever Used Craigslist for a Babysitter?  Don't!  (MSNBC)

The days of the cute girl next door that your husband has a secret crush on have long past; rise the days of the old dude from Craigslist.  Yes folks, that is right.  People seek babysitters on Craigslist, and they get what they bargained for: a pornographic pedophile.  Ever heard of seeking references on a person before hiring them to watch your 2-year-old daughter?  This just in, Obama seeks change on Craigslist.

Don't Become an Officer of the Salvation Army (FOXNews)

If you are an officer of the Salvation Army, you may only marry another officer of the Salvation Army.  When did the Salvation Army become some sort of evangelical bigamist?  Wasn't the mission of the organization just to help those in need?  Something deeper runs beneath the SA, and, by golly, it probably runs back to Billy Graham.  

Rad Weekend Links (11/28-30/2008)

November 28, 2008

INTERNET -- 5 factual links with 5 fake-tual opinions.

Japan CEO Wrestles Globally (WSJ)

Oops, that meant to say that Japan wrestles with CEO pay.  Japanese banks such as Mitsubishi UFJ Financial Group have a huge issue to face as they invest in worldwide institutions:  they have to match the exorbitant price tags for CEOs such as Morgan Stanley's John Mack.  Last year, MUFG paid a shade over $8 million in compensation to its highest 14 paid executives combined; whereas, J. Mack took home a little more than $41 million in the same time frame.  So the company that is financially viable and investing in the struggling company must adjust to the struggling company's pay scale?  Okay, analogy of the week:  that is like suck.  Here is a video clip of Radish favorite Hulk Hogan wrestling in Japan to cheer you up.

Terrorists need a Hobby (CNN)

If you haven't heard, some crazy dudes killed 125 people throughout Mumbai/Bombay during the last 24 hours because they don't have a hobby.  Some people do heroin when they have no where else to turn.  Some play Guitar Hero.  Terrorists just kill people.  Maybe these terrorists should start believing in Christianity so that Santa can bring them a hobby this Christmas.  I am thinking more along the lines of Backgammon than drugs but whatever gets the job done.

WTF is a "Rogue" Wave? (MSNBC)

The adjective "rogue" refers to something that is no longer obedient.  Was a wave ever obedient?  It wasn't like 3 wave watchers were teaching waves how to sit like a rough coat terrier when one wave snapped, peed on the floor, and carried them out to sea.  Last time that I checked, the ocean wasn't a controlled environment.  The correct story should read, "Mother nature is a bit*h."

Bailout for Student Loan Debt  (FOXNews)

Gotcha!  The Troubled Asset Relief Program, aptly nicknamed TARP for its covering up of a problem rather than solving it, will do nothing for the common man.  Now, TARP has a new program called the Systemically Significant Failing Institutions Program that will give more money to the same banks under the initial TARP phase.  Same crap, different package if you think about it.  Perhaps we should nickname the program Significantly Horrible Institutions Tarp, or SHIT for short.

Old Lady Died (MSNBC)

How does one live until they are 115?  Some speculate that the keys to longevity are maintaining healthy weight and reducing stress.  However, the truth is that one must be extremely selfish to live to such an extraordinary age.  Not only did this lady see both of her sons die of old age but she refuses to give up the secret.  Come on now, kids are dying of AIDS in Africa and all this hag had to offer for advice was, "More education."  Seriously?

Rad Weekend Links (11/21-23/2008)

November 21, 2008

INTERNET -- 5 News Stories, 5 Sad Truths--One awesome Elmo video.

Citigroup to Receive $20B More in Aid (CNN)

Okay, so Citi continues to lose money--perhaps it is a good idea for Bush to stop giving the homeless man more money when he keeps spending it on a fifth of Peppermint Schnapps.  He is never going to take the money to a Chipotle Mexican Grill and get himself some digestion inducing burritos.  How about we give the money to some struggling homeowners who aren't broke or some struggling graduates with exorbitant loans?  Those people could go ahead and pay off a portion of those distressed assets or at least get a nice stock of liquor for the cold season.  

Deodorant Kills British 12-year-old (FoxNews)

As heart disease, cancer, and gang-related drive-bys continue to take lives, a new culprit arrives on the scene:  human perspiration.  It looks like your fear of sweating in front of the cool girl could lead to your demise, so stick to a stick of deodorant and not the spray can.

Where are the Hot Holiday Toys?  (MSNBC)

Sure the economic downturn is going to make this a coal-sock Christmas, ruining the illusion of Santa for many, but don't forget that toy companies have sucked of late.  Without Tickle-Me Elmo or Furby, the toy market is down.  First of all, maybe it is good that people won't spend like crazy this Christmas--there will be less Dudley Dursley's in the world.  On the other hand, you have to be kidding.  Toy companies couldn't come up with a battery induced, gay stuffed animal to knock your socks off this year?  How about G-Money, the rapping polar bear?

19-year-old College Student Found Dead in Frat House (Chicago Tribune)

Ever heard of the Illinois Institute of Technology?  Well, now you have because a student died from inhaling carbon dioxide from a canister.  Whatever that means.  One friend said that they expected his classmate to do epic things with his life.  Um, no offense but you guys are at IIT, which could be confused for ITT based on status and abbreviation.

Americans Drive Less, Cause Crisis (WSJ)

Heaven forbid that the American populace would take control of its own financial destiny, and environmental future for that matter, and start using public transportation more.  Now all kinds of lobbying interests are upset:  1)  OPEC wants us to drive more and consume their oil; 2)  Car companies want us to buy SUVs because they cost a bundle; 3)  The government wants us to justify their expansions of $300M bridges to nowhere; and 4) Beezlebub is worried that declining greed will hurt his steady population growth in hell.

Rad Weekend Links (11/7-9/2008)

November 7, 2008

INTERNET -- 5 true news stories; 5 not so true captions.

1)  8-year-old accused of killing father, another man (CNN)

An 8-year-old boy shoots father and another man with an AK-47.  The lead detective already has a theory on the case despite not interviewing witnesses or investigating the crime scene.  "From what I can tell, the boy was mad that his father was cheating on him with another man.  I would be."  The detective is a graduate of Phoenix University's School of Criminal Justice.

2) Gun Enthusiasts Stock Up on Firearms Over Fears of Dem Crackdown (FoxNews)

10-year-old concerned that Santa won't bring a gun for Christmas because Democrats hate the NRA.  Father consoles boy by saying, "Don't worry, black people like Obama love guns too." 3) Stocks finish up after two days of heavy selling (MSNBC)

It was a good day at NYSE Greyhound Park, a dog betting track in downtown Manhattan. 4) Melissa Ethridge is Not Spreading the Wealth (IDLYITW)

Section 8 passes in California, banning same-sex marriage.  Etheridge proceeds to play the field and keep money for herself.  "That was a close one," she explained.  "Tammy Lynn was about to get me without a pre-nuptial agreement."  Oh, and she refuses to pay taxes.

5) Billups gives Nuggets stability, Iverson offers fire for Pistons (ESPN)

For fear of rising crime rates in Denver, NBA star Allen Iverson gets trade to the sanctuary of Detroit.  "I am just glad to be in a city where there is no violence or practice."