November 21, 2008
INTERNET -- 5 News Stories, 5 Sad Truths--One awesome Elmo video.
Okay, so Citi continues to lose money--perhaps it is a good idea for Bush to stop giving the homeless man more money when he keeps spending it on a fifth of Peppermint Schnapps. He is never going to take the money to a Chipotle Mexican Grill and get himself some digestion inducing burritos. How about we give the money to some struggling homeowners who aren't broke or some struggling graduates with exorbitant loans? Those people could go ahead and pay off a portion of those distressed assets or at least get a nice stock of liquor for the cold season.
As heart disease, cancer, and gang-related drive-bys continue to take lives, a new culprit arrives on the scene: human perspiration. It looks like your fear of sweating in front of the cool girl could lead to your demise, so stick to a stick of deodorant and not the spray can.
Sure the economic downturn is going to make this a coal-sock Christmas, ruining the illusion of Santa for many, but don't forget that toy companies have sucked of late. Without Tickle-Me Elmo or Furby, the toy market is down. First of all, maybe it is good that people won't spend like crazy this Christmas--there will be less Dudley Dursley's in the world. On the other hand, you have to be kidding. Toy companies couldn't come up with a battery induced, gay stuffed animal to knock your socks off this year? How about G-Money, the rapping polar bear?
Ever heard of the Illinois Institute of Technology? Well, now you have because a student died from inhaling carbon dioxide from a canister. Whatever that means. One friend said that they expected his classmate to do epic things with his life. Um, no offense but you guys are at IIT, which could be confused for ITT based on status and abbreviation.
Heaven forbid that the American populace would take control of its own financial destiny, and environmental future for that matter, and start using public transportation more. Now all kinds of lobbying interests are upset: 1) OPEC wants us to drive more and consume their oil; 2) Car companies want us to buy SUVs because they cost a bundle; 3) The government wants us to justify their expansions of $300M bridges to nowhere; and 4) Beezlebub is worried that declining greed will hurt his steady population growth in hell.
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