INTERNET -- 5 true headlines; 5 strangely true captions.
A young Kentucky boy was beaten at a country fair for being different--a fair, mind you, that allowed KKK members to operate a recruiting booth. What does this boy face as he tries to bankrupt the Klan? Just an all-white jury and defendants with names like: Imperial Wizard Ron Edwards, Ohio's Grand Titan, Joshua Cowles the Exalted Cyclops, and Andrew W. Watkins the Imperial Gothi. This might as well be a lawsuit against Voldemort, Hercules, the X-Men and Marilyn Manson. Can you say that Kentucky is bass ackwards?
Although he still wants to purchase more stakes in banks, Paulson is retreating from the idea that retailers such as Circuit City will soon rejoice in the bailout green. Say what you want about Wal-Mart but at least they are embracing the concept of globalization: specialization (outsourcing of manufacturing, kind of) leads to lower overheads, leads to lower prices at home, which leads to profitability. Whereas, companies such as Nike have practices that inspire song lyrics like these by Flight of the Conchords:
They're turning kids into slaves just to make cheaper sneakers
But what's the real cost, 'cause the sneakers don't seem that much cheaper
Why are we still paying so much for sneakers when you got little kid slaves making them
What are your overheads?
After a study based on personnel, scouting, facilities, marketing, financial outlook, and bandwagoning, the Boston Red Sox have been hailed by USA Today as the #1 franchise in Major League Baseball. This is further proof that nepotism sucks, see Hank Steinbrenner. In other baseball news, Manny Ramirez won't settle for less than Obama campaign-type money.
The problem with the bailout is that it changes the bottom line but not the underlying problem. There is a fundamental flaw on Wall Street, a credo that maintaining a steady profit, and self-sustaining business, isn't enough. Rather, these self-proclaimed geniuses believe that capitalism means hoarding as much as you can while you can without regard to normal market mechanisms. The bailouts are insulating this mindset from free-market repercussions as evidenced by AIG taking a getaway to a "posh Arizona resort" to help "raise" money. Congratulate Rep. Elijah Wood of Maryland for speaking out against this ridiculous charade. If you need to raise money, why not stay right in New York where all the money is going?
Three Chapin High School seniors gave "laxative-based brownies" to rival dance team members from Andress High School. Allegations further maintain that bleach and rat poison were also in the brownies. This is hysterically awful, calling for an "I'm not even mad moment." If I were Dulcolax, I would be jumping all over this for advertising purposes. However, it is just a matter of time before the parents blame the Cars.com commercial below. Tina Fey is probably thinking of ripping off the concept for a Mean Girls spin-off where she can star as the role that she really wants, the hot girl who gets all the attention...not gonna happen Fey.
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